You know what? I *hate* it so much when I discover a cool new blog and then see that the last post written was months ago.
Subsequently, every time I write a post – which, I admit, is few and far between – I feel like I need to apologize for not having written anything for months. Maybe I’ll get my shit together next year! Here’s hoping!
Just to quickly catch up – at the end of June I got serious about losing weight and by October – just before Halloween – I hit my goal of losing 40 pounds. I was thrilled at my progress. Thrilled, I tells ya!
Then I went on a business trip and everything seemed to fall apart. Well, not really, but I’d say that I definitely fell back into some old habits. Those habits are so freaking ingrained. Argh.
The thing about me? I really like routine. I like knowing what to expect. While I don’t mind change I really can’t stand curveballs. I actually like change – I’ve brought on change often during this life – seems like about every 10 years I throw my life in the air just to see what shakes out and where I land.
But the past 6 weeks has been a slow return into a pit of anxiety and depression. And, of course, I turned to old habits of using food to self-medicate/comfort. I have put back on 6 pounds. Not horrible and not a reason to throw in the towel or run out to Kroger for a coconut cake!
Two weeks ago, though, at the very beginning of December, I bought a month membership to a yoga studio. I took 4 classes in 7 days and was LOVING it and feeling like I was getting back on track and then, for no good reason, the bottom fell out and I ended up not leaving the house for a week – which means, no yoga.
The one thing that seriously baffles me is how I can enjoy something so much and then completely let it go a week later. Maybe I should chalk it up to the self-hatred that comes as on the side of a big old plate of depression and anxiety.
Last week it really hit home that depression and anxiety, for me, has physical consequences – my immunity gets low and then colds and/or flu attach themselves to me. Bleh. It’s a one two punch. So I physically feel exhausted and drained with aches and pain. It’s truly a blue flu.
At any rate – it was so bad last week that it kind of shook me up and made me realize that I was at a crossroads. So now I am just trying to muscle through.
So this week – it’s one foot in front of the other…I’m just focusing on getting through each day.
There’s only two weeks left in 2012. I can’t believe how fast this year passed. Time really does speed up the older that you get.
I have started reading Happier at Home by Gretchen Rubin (I didn’t begin at the beginning – I started at the chapter for January). I love the idea of giving my new year a one word (or phrase) theme. I’m coming up with quite the list of what my focus for 2013 could be:
- let go
- dream big
I know that next year is my year! I’m going to do something awesome…I just know it.
(I kind of feel like the little engine that could…”I think I can, I think I can”…)